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Pasadena Divorce Advice Series: My Husband Wants a Divorce & I Don’t

Unfortunately, if somebody in a marriage wants a divorce, unless there is some type of a conservatorship or dependency order involved (or something of that nature), it is nearly impossible to prevent them from getting one. It is quite probable that a dissolution of marriage is inevitable, and in that case, if you are not the one wanting the divorce, the best thing you can do is prepare for the worst.

Seek Counseling

If your husband wants a divorce and you don’t, it is important to immediately develop a solid support team, which includes seeking people who can provide both counseling and sound legal advice. Divorce does not mean the end of living a fulfilled and happy life, and you will need people surrounding you who are going to remind you of that. There are plenty of support groups around that specialize specifically in dealing with divorce and can provide the tools necessary to accept the process of a dissolution of marriage.

Take Inventory

Once an attorney is consulted, one of the first requests that will be made by counsel (after other preliminary information is obtained, of course) is for an allocation of assets and debts. If the marital community has amassed any amount of value and worth, this task could take a while. Hopefully, you have been a very hands-on spouse throughout the marriage, in terms of finances; otherwise, you may be in for some surprises. If that is the case, now is the time to do some investigating to ensure there are no hidden assets or debts.

The more prepared you are, should your husband follow through with filing a request for a dissolution of marriage, the less painful transitioning back to single life will be. There was once a client who filed for a legal separation, but failed to secure an order from the family court judge, only to discover (several years later) that her husband was accused of owing the IRS $2 million in 9 years’ worth of back taxes. Even though she had filed separately throughout those years, she was still liable for the government debt, which became quite clear once the government threatened to file a lien against the couple’s home. You need to be smart, informed, strategic, and well equipped. After all, along with other things, marriage is a business partnership, with each partner owing a fiduciary duty to the other.

Consider Mediation

Marriage is also a romantic and intimate relationship; therefore, emotions can (and usually will) flare up during the divorce process. Assuming irreconcilable differences exist, and the marriage is beyond the repair of marriage counseling or any other type of therapy, it is time to let the negotiations begin. Couples, in these days, share the cost of consulting a private family law mediator (usually an experienced family law attorney), who will work to help facilitate an amicable marriage settlement agreement, which will make the process more affordable, timely, and peaceful. Of course, both parties would select a mutually agreeable attorney/mediator and should expressly consent to creating such a relationship with an independent legal professional.

Reinvention

At the end of the day, it is also about moving forward and gaining newfound independence. You are probably now going to be forced to secure a new residence, perhaps look to pursue new interests and develop new social circles (especially if you and your husband shared the same group of friends and/or if many of them were primarily “his”), and become self-sustaining. While transitioning from married life to single life will likely have some uncomfortable and painful moments, once you learn to embrace positive aspects — perhaps you’ll discover a joy in freedom that never existed during your marital union — the more harmonious you will be.

The team at Lee, Green, Stewart & Paul Attorneys at Law understands the difficulties associated with going through a divorce. Their goal is to make maneuvering through the family/divorce court system as painless as possible. If your husband has expressed a desire for divorce, even though it is not what you want, contact us today at (626) 325-0770 for a consultation, and they will steer you in the right direction.